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A simple Google search will produce a barrage of articles touting the benefits of music therapy--everything from the benefits of a classical music education in young children to the healing and therapeutic value that listening to music can provide by increasing dopamine levels in the brain. There's a ton of science behind the ideas, but what does it really mean to use music as therapy? I believe that it's a deeply personal experience that will be different for everyone, but I'm going to share what it's meant and looked like for me (complete with links if you'd like to follow along).
As far back as I can remember, music has been a big part of my life. My mom would let us pick a record (calling out my GenXness) to put on the record player at bedtime every night (shout out to Music Machine!). I can remember sitting in the little dining area of our house with the big glass windows, playing my dad's Harry Chapin record over and over again--Cat's in the Cradle to be specific (oh how ironic this is now) and feeling all the emotions as I sang along--skips and all. Though with three small kids to raise, she didn't play or sing often, my mom plays a mean piano and has a beautiful singing voice. Music has always been a part of me and who I am.
My teen years were a musical soundtrack that included everything from Duran Duran (first cassette tape I ever had), Metallica- Master of Puppets , 2 Live Crew (this is definitely NSFW if you're listening along), and my first ever musical obsession--Ozzy Ozbourne. I can remember laying on my bed listening to the song Goodbye to Romance on his live tribute to Randy Rhodes album over and over again. I'm listening to it now in the background while I write this and I swear I feel 15 again--laying on the twin bed under the window of the room I shared with my sister. It's sooo sad. I just heard the line "goodbye to friends...goodbye to all the best...I guess that we'll meet...we'll meet in the end..." So tragic and final. I was 15 and had definitely never experienced romance, but I felt all of this so deeply. Looking back now I can see the connections between the emotions and what was going on in my life at the time.
That is what the "healing power of music" means to me. Music gives you a vessel for expressing and feeling the emotions that you can't really put into words. Music makes it okay to feel those things--it's the whole point of the music. Music gives you the space to feel it all--and feel it all again and again--until you've gotten what you needed from it and can move on. I can look back on the most challenging parts of my adult life and create a soundtrack of the music that found me and got me through those times (In fact, I'll do that at the end because I think it'll be fun).
I will share some detail about one of them: 2017--one of the most mentally challenging years of my life. I was experiencing PTSD and was being triggered by literally everything, including all of the people that I loved most. I had no idea why I was having the responses I was having. I had had a few counseling sessions with a therapist and started taking Prozac. The sun had started to peek through the clouds just a bit and I found Pink's album Beautiful Trauma. I listened to that album on repeat incessantly. My sister and my mom very generously paid for me to attend a retreat in 2017 with Tina Swithin, author of Divorcing a Narcissist and fierce Family Court reform advocate. That retreat put so many pieces together for me. It didn't solve everything, but it gave me a voice, validation, and a tribe of women that I will forever share a connection with. The retreat was in Washington State during November. On the last day, our activity was to walk a labyrinth, the path marked by rocks in a large clearing around a big pine tree. It was overcast and gray. In and back. Breathe. I had my earbuds in, Pink playing on repeat as usual as I stepped onto the path. As I made my way slowly around the path, I started to pass and be passed by those that had gone ahead of me, or those that were following behind. "I want to be lost, so lost that I'm found...naked and laughing with my feet on the ground...I am heeeerrrre...I am heeeere...I've already seen the bottom so there's nothing to fear...know that I'll be ready when the devil is near...on this road but I'm still right here..." I walked that path with tears streaming down my face. I knew I'd be okay and that this was a turning point for me in my journey. I can't hear this song without going back to that place, around that big pine tree, and feeling that powerful feeling that I am here.
Not everyone feels music like I do, but I also know plenty of people who do. Even if you think you're one that doesn't, I'd encourage you to try a little music therapy the next time you're feeling some kind of way. Sad? Go listen to some sad music and let yourself be sad for a bit. Pissed off? A little Rage Against the Machine might do you some good. Feelings and emotions can crush us if we don't have an opportunity to express them. Music is a gift that says "I understand and I've felt that too".
As promised, the following is a bit of my life soundtrack (starting 2008ish--before that was a fog of raising kids and trying to stay married) and maybe even a suggestion or two for mood specific options (for those wanting to give it a try but don't know where to start).
2008--3 Doors Down, Let Me Be Myself (the whole album but particularly that song)
2008--Blue October, Foiled . The whole album. Also, alllll the other Blue October that came before
2013--Blue October, Sway
2016--Blue October, Home Are you sensing a theme yet?
2016--Discover of The Airborne Toxic Event, Timeless and the whole Such Hot Blood album
2017--Pink, Beautiful Trauma
2019--All The Airborne Toxic Event (TATE) music to date
2020--TATE, Hollywood Park
2020--Blue October, This is What I Live For
2022--Alanis Morissette, Such Pretty Forks in the Road
*It's funny to me to look at the contrast in the first entry and the last. I've come a long way. Thank you, music.
Here are some good vibes, happy, healing type of listens:
The Goo Goo Dolls, Boxes
Rob Thomas, Chip Tooth Smile
Mumford & Sons, Delta (this is very chill--love this one for journaling or meditation)
Need to Breathe, Out of Body
Judah & The Lion, Revival
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